SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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