I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
