So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
