you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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