my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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