I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
