He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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