life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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