So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
