so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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