When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
