So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
