my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
