Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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