every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
