I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
