Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
