The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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