thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
