Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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