Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize