you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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