So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
