Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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