when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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