I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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