You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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