Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
