I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
