No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
