i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
