Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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