someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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