i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
