I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize