Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I party with great urgency now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
