Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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