Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
