how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
