we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think a kid would responsible me up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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