i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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