lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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