the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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