The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
