Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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