yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
