nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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