She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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