The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
