this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
