Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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