My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
