Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
