Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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