How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
