It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
