I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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