dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
