operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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