Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
