I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
