I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
