the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
