so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
