So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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