I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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