Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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