she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
