Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.