you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016