Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me