I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
