Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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