So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
