There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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