Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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