I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
