Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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