There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
