All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
