just tell him i said nine months
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
