Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
