just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
