Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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