isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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