You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
worst night to have a conscience
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
