Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
